The Story of Budget Airline
Attendant: Have you fill up your disembarkation form, sir?
Passenger: No, where do I get one? Wait, how much is it?
Attendant : Just $10 sir.
Passenger : $10?! No way, I'll get one at the airport!
Attendant : Sorry sir, our management has a contract with the customs department that they will reject forms not bearing our special Parang and Lighter logo for passengers taking our flights.
Passenger : ... here's $10.
Attendant : Thank you sir. Oh, do you have a pen with metallic blue ink sir?
Passenger : No, why?
Attendant : As part of our special contract with the customs, forms must be filled up in metallic blue ink for this week.
Passenger : !!! and how much is the pen?
Attendant : Sorry sir, we only have one metallic blue pen left, so we cannot sell it. Rental of the pen is $10.
Passenger: Rent a pen?! That's ridiculous!
Attendant : Sir please calm down or I will have to call the marshal for $50...
Passenger: Alright alright, here's $10, now give me the bloody pen.
Attendant : Very sorry sir, because we only have one pen left and it is so important, it is chained to my wrist here, see?
Passenger: How am I supposed to use it like that?
Attendant: It's ok sir, I can fill up the form for you.
Passenger: ... you will fill up the form... I don't suppose it's free is it?
Attendant: How understanding of you sir, it will be $10 for filling form service.
Passenger: !!!!!!
Boarding the Plane
Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, Sir. May I see your ticket?
Passenger: Sure.
Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!
Passenger: What for?
Attendant: For telling you where to sit.
Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.
Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat-locator fee of $5. It's the airline's new policy.
Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it.
Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not ?
Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this.
Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you ?
Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.
Attendant: No problem (grunts). Up we go, and done! that will be $10, please.
Passenger: What?
Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.
Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it.
Attendant: Actually, you're right - you can't stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate. But first I need that $10.
Passenger: No way.
Attendant: Sir, if! you don 't comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal. And you really don't want me to do that.
Passenger: Why not ? Is he going to shoot me ?
Attendant: No, but there's a $50 air-marshal hailing fee.
Passenger: Oh, all right, here - take the $10. I can't believe this.
Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you ?
Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it ?
Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.
Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air ?
Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents.
Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar ?
Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!
Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for mydollar.
Attendant: Yes, there's a change-making fee of 25 cents.
Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter ? Whatever will I do with it ?
Attendant: Hang on to it. You'll need it later for the lavatory.
30 mins later .... meal time ...
Attendant : your meal sir , that would be $30 please .
Passenger : What ?!? $30 for a small meal and an orange juice ??
Attendant : its $1 for a spoon , $1 for a fork , $5 for the meal ... etc
Passenger : Forget it ! Its okay Im fine !!
Attendant : that would be $8 please .
Passenger : what for ??
Attendant : For me attending to you its $8 .
Passenger : Im not paying !!!
Attendant : remember , its $50 for the Air-marshal fee ...
Passenger : FINE !! I'll pay !!!
Attendant : thank you very much !!
Passenger : .........
Attendant : Sir , please look away from the screen if you havent payed .
Passenger : Pay for what ??
Attendant : the in-flight movie ...
Passenger : I'm not interested to watch this show ...
Attendant : Well , its $4 for the movie ...
Passenger : FINE !! Here you go !! I'll listen to the radio insted ...
Attendant : Sir , its 3 quarters for a song , $2 for the head-set rental and $1 for battries ... $3.75 please ..
Passenger : * gives $4 *
Attendant : Thank you very much .
Passenger : Wheres my change ??
Attendant : its a quarter for service charge .
Passenger : heres $10.25 ... change them to quarters for me ...
Attendant : Here you go !! $10 in quarters ..
Passenger : thx ...
Passenger : ermm , ma'am , may I know where's the lavatory ??
Attendant : Not far , come I'll take you there .
Passenger : Ok sure
Attendant : Here it is .. $3 please ..
Passenger : *pays*
In the lavatory
Notice : Please insert 3 quarters for a flush , 2 quarters for 5 secones of running water and 3 quarters for 12 cm of paper towel .
Passenger : wth ....
Outside the lavatory ...
Attendant : ermm sir ............................
Passenger : NO NO NO !!! Shut it up !!! I know where to sit !!!
Attendant : Ok sir .
Back to the plane
* Plane starts to loose pressure and might be going down *
Attendant : EVERYONE !! DO NOT PANIC !! Just insert a $50 bill into a slot above and an emergency oxygen mask will fall infront of you !!!
Passenger : Wth !!! We even need to pay for this kind of stuff ??
Attendant : Insert another $50 into the slot beside your chair for your life-jackets !!
Pasenger : ..............
Attendant : Now I will be selling tickets for the emergency lifeboats !!! Its $100 for a child ticket and $200 for an adult ticket !!!
Passenger : OMG !!!!
Passenger : * buys a ticket *
- Plane goes back to normal -
Attendant : Okay everyone !!! its over , Out plane is now back to normal !!
Attendant : Please return all Lifejackets and tickets to me , unfortuanatly , we don't do any refund services .
Passenger : .....
